Nine Months

Possible Kleenex alert.....

Today marks the ninth month since Mom died.

The fact that this is the ninth month brings to mind something Mom said when she was really sick last January.

During those last 90 days, Mom's belly was quite often distended, uncomfortably so, with no relief in sight. And, one day when she was lying in her hospital bed, she put her hand on that belly, patted it, and said, "This is my baby."

You see, Mom was never able to conceive a child and, consequently, my brother and I are adopted. She always wanted children, so being barren was a very bitter pill for her to swallow.

In fact, she griped with one of her doctors that her female organs were good for nothing but making tumors. And she called those tumors "her baby".

After she died, one of the odd things I remember was the positioning of her hand on her body.

Considering we had all taken turns sitting beside the bed and holding her hand, it could have ended up anywhere. Logically, it should have been lying parallel to her body, close to where each of us held it during those last few hours. But, instead it was at the top of her bloated belly, where her "baby" was.

I am still pondering what it means that Mom referred to her cancerous tumors as her baby. I feel like I'll never quite understand all she went through years and years ago when infertility meant there was no chance you'd ever have children of your "own". And, somehow, I think that might be the key to what she was verbalizing.

In my version of what Heaven is like, Mom is rocking babies. Sweet little ones who were taken too early. Some who were abused. Some who never made it from their Momma's body. Some who also died of cancer, just like Mom.

This brings tears to my eyes but joy to my heart. Mom's love of all things baby is something I will forever remember. And, I hope, if there is any chance of her experiencing pregnancy in Heaven, that God will give her that opportunity.

I know, for her, THAT would be Heavenly.