Graduation

Graduation is such a bittersweet time.

There's the "I'm FINALLY done" aspect where the High School graduate breathes a sigh of relief that indicates "The next time I crack a book it will be a catalog and I will be on the toilet. Because that's all the heavy reading I'll be doing."

Little does s/he know, the next book they crack will be 90 days posthence and will weigh as much as a Smart Car. And all six other books required for the first semester? Ditto in size/weight.

There's also the "WHOA" factor from a college graduate. The "WHOA. Now I'm truly an adult. And I have to get a job. But, wait. I still like eating Fruit Loops three meals/day and playing Wii while drinking. How is that going to work with a job?"

Newsflash: you are going to be on a regimented schedule and none of the above will work. Fruit Loops as a mainstay of the diet will cause even the most steel-veined individual to crash and burn on their laptop around 9:30am*. And drinking? That will be relegated to the weekends. And you'll still regret that Saturday night bender come Monday because, even with a great breakfast, vodka tonics haunt you for days.

There's the "S/he made it!" aspect from the parents of the graduate. The "I wasn't sure this would ever happen. There were so many times s/he was two minutes from a lynching."

The parental tears? Sweet and salty, happy and sad, all mixed-up emotions that don't even make sense to them. But, the bottom line? There is so much joy, so many memories, and so much emotion that it is hard to bottle up.

And you who are graduating? Whether your parents say it or not, the fact that they didn't kill you along the way is PROOF they are proud of you. So, don't wait for the words. It's just a fact.

Happiest Graduation to all those I love! I am, personally, very proud of all of you. And I promise, if you are of age and show up on my door with any combination of Fruit Loops, Wii accessories, and vodka, that I'll celebrate with you. I'll even cry the appropriate happy or sad tears.

But just remember that I'm old. And when I start making bowls of vodka-cereal chasers, it's time to tuck me in for the night.



*Sorry, the word "fruit" in the title is not properly spelled. There is zero fruit in that cereal. It should read "FROOT LOOPS".