My Cell Phone Rant

OK. So, I'll admit that I haven't watched Oprah in about three blue moons, but I do have handy, dandy ads that pop up on the top of the screen when I am on the Internet, and today's banner blew me away.

A large insurance company is supporting Oprah's newest call: no cell phone zones in cars.

I hate to point out the big, fat, obvious point here, but I will because I think half of America would stop eating vegetables if Ms. Winfrey decided she was aghast at the relative height of the Green Giant next to her less than statuesque frame. And that makes me ask: Who's driving the brain boat here, people?

I recognize that SOME people* are completely incapable of using a cell phone while driving. I've watched their weaving butts at 11:30am as they try to navigate a straight, flat road and figure out which TGIFridays they are driving to meet their "buds" at.

But, those of us who are actually talented in the multi-tasking area CAN accomplish this task. Just like the people who can drink Starbucks, adjust the radio, and catch a good look-see in the rear view mirror, all while driving 70mph down LBJ Freeway.

I really don't need some one who rarely, if ever, drives her OWN car telling me what to do.

Now, if a good sampling of drivers my age and my gender proves me wrong, I'll gladly listen to the DPS and put my phone away. Except at red lights. Those should be totally exempt because the only trouble you will get yourself into is missing the millisecond the light changes to green and causing a cacophony of honks from the rather impatient drivers behind you. No harm, no foul as I see it.

But, I'm sorry, Oprah. I appreciate what you are trying to do here. I see a great segment of the population who SHOULD take your advice. But, not from you. Sure, a couple of bad accidents, highlighted on your show, may scare the bejeezus out of your viewers, but I rely on hard facts and logic to run my brain.

Once we get the phones turned off, what's next? Our coffee? The GPS? Make-up? For crumb sake, every car in America will look it's been car-jacked from its owners and stripped-down by a very surly gang of punks by the time we get rid of everything that could possibly distract us.

So, thanks. Good idea. Now, please get back in your limousine and brainstorm something more on point. Like how to snag that coveted Green Giant interview and get America to eat more veggies.


*Men. Let's just get that out on the table. Not programmed to multi-task. Will admit, under slight duress, that this is true.