Lego Hades

I've had a love affair with Legos for years. When I was little, they kept my baby brother busy, which meant he wasn't in MY stuff.

As I grew, they were a fixture in most of the houses I babysat in. I'd help build things or use them to distract a young child while I changed a sibling's diaper or answered the phone or washed the dishes.

When I had kids of my own, I was THRILLED they took to Legos. Then the Legos starting overtaking the house.

Now, I am beginning to loathe the day I ever saw their colored plastic bumps.

If I am not picking them up from corners of the house or sweeping them from underneath couches or beds, I'm stepping on them in the middle of the night. Or worse, rolling over on top of them, where they hid under the sheets after being played with on my bed. I swear these things lie in wait and they attack, trying their pointed best to puncture my back or butt.

Their latest incarnation as the bane of my existence is as dog chew toy. The little atrocities* seem to be in some dog's mouth about fifteen times of the day. They are fierce little warriors and don't like being chewed down. So, it takes either dog about ten minutes to really wear one out.

The noise they make when they chew a Lego is unmistakable. I can hear them from across the house and be yelling about it in .0005 seconds from the first nibble. Everyone else? "I don't hear that. What are you talking about."

I don't particularly care if they ruin the one piece that completes a $50 set of Indiana Jones on a motorcycle with his Dad because I see it as a lesson to the kids that you need to PICK UP YOUR FRIGGIN' TOYS OR THEY WILL GET CHEWED BY DEVIL1 OR LUCIFER2 OR BOTH.

My bigger worry is that, someday, one of these stupid things is going to make it down the gullet of our wonder dogs and puncture something. Then the dog is going to need costly surgery and costly recovery time in the doggie hospital, not to mention plenty of sympathy from PETA, who will surely swoop in like CPS and that will cause the children angst beyond words. And I'll have to pay for and deal with all of this.

So, I'm seriously considering how much longer I can put up with Legos.

Maybe, in keeping with the Mafioso-like attitude Mike has developed lately, they'll just start mysteriously disappearing at odd hours of the day or night. Without a trace, if you will. And, if the kids notice, I'll stuff cotton in my cheeks and say "You Got a Problem Wid Dat?"

Just try me again, Legos. See how much of a Mafia wife I can become.

And don't forget that I like horses. Especially their heads.....


*I mean the Legos here, but, frankly this could also refer to the dogs on any given day of the week.