Dr. Phil's Advice for Inner Peace

Editor's Note: I take no credit for the following, other than that, you can blame me when you pee your pants because you are laughing so hard.*

By following simple advice heard on the Dr. Phil show, you too can find inner peace. Dr Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."

So, I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a package of Oreos, the remainder of my old Valium prescription, the rest of the cheesecake, some Doritos, and a box of chocolates.

You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.


*If you are a man and, therefore, this is a vaguely weird concept, just wait. Your day is coming.....