Annoyances Anyone?

Wanna know how to break the silence in a house, pre-7 a.m., and annoy the Mother so much that she about has a nervous breakdown before she can get a coffee fix?

Channel the early 80's, start singing "I'm All Out of Love" by Air Supply, and repeat ONLY the refrain because you are ten and you don't know any more of the words.

I really had hoped Air Supply would die when we celebrated New Year's 1986. I would have gladly ponied up good coin to throw them a decent funeral.

Truth is, they actually published their GREATEST HITS as late as 2004. And is your brain making the connection here? That means PEOPLE STILL LIKE THEM.

Oh.My.Goodness.Gracious.Golly.Gosh.

I'd HONESTLY take Milli Vanilli over Air Supply. Even though they were total frauds and all, at least they weren't all mushy and in need of testosterone.

It didn't take me long to figure out that there is only one way the lyrics could be any more disconcerting. And that would be if the second most annoying force in the universe teamed up with Air Supply to use this song in their latest movie.

Yes, Alvin and the Chipmunks are back, Christmas 2009. You, too, can overpay to hear their helium-filled, potty-joking, insanity-producing little tails.

If you haven't had the pleasure of hearing the trailers for the movie, let me just encapsulate: Add helium to Air Supply, shake liberally, insert potty-words and actions into chipmunk's mouth, and serve.

Prozac, anyone?

One thing is for sure. The Nowell house has become an "Air Supply/Alvin and the Chipmunks Free Zone". I told my son I NEVER, under any circumstances, wanted to hear that song again.

And if he ever sucks helium out of a balloon AND sings Air Supply? I have a list of military-style boarding schools at the ready.

Considering the frequency at which I delivered the message*, I don't think this will be an issue.

I just hope his ears stopped bleeding by the time he got to school.



*Which was somewhere North of Ella Fitzgerald's High C.