We all know one of these, so I'm sure you'll get this:
Dear _______,
Thank you for calling AGAIN to express your concern over my decision not to get the kids immunized against the flu and/or swine flu.
I hope you didn't find my logical, well-executed comeback offensive. The fact that this is an overblown media circus designed to up ratings, the swine flu vaccine is completely untried, and the regular flu vaccine isn't 100% effective seemed to pass completely over you. Oh, and did I mention loudly enough that my kids are healthy as oxes compared to the average snot-producing, cough-throwing kids in their demographic?
The truth that you are related to a DOCTOR, who has decided not to have his children (all younger than mine) vaccinated, should speak volumes to you. Unless you went to some stealth medical school in Guatamala and forgot to inform us in your Christmas card, I don't remember the letters "DR" coming before your name, so I'm just curious why you are running around trying to create medical panic.
I appreciate the concern you expressed and I appreciate the prayers you offered. I doubly appreciate them since they bookended our conversation. Truly, you were lucky to not get a dial tone after the initial inquiry and concern/prayer round, as this is the second phone call in as many weeks expressing angst.
Oh, and in case you've forgotten, The Babe has already survived some fever-inducing crap. And, apparently you know a middle-aged person who did as well. I just wonder who up and died a flu victim that has your Hanes all in a knot.
Well. Enjoy your hysteria. Savor it with fava beans and a nice Chianti, if you like. Just stop calling my butt because I'm not buying into it.
Lovingly,
The Person who doesn't have caller ID but is seriously considering it
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