Ageless

Things it is a shame we stop being excited about at a "certain" age:

1. Pooing. Have you ever watched a four-year-old succeed in the bathroom? They are giddy. Forget how much it stinks or that they have to have help wiping, they've just accomplished a monumental task.

Me? I'd be giddy if there were a way for it all to just get absorbed back into our bodies. My glass half-empty mentality thinks that pooing is something we shouldn't have to waste* time on.

2. Half birthdays. Kids can't wait to be 7 and a half. They practically pronounce themselves halvesies the day after their actual birthday. If anybody over 15 asks them their age, they are all about throwing up fingers and adding a little more.

I promise on a stack of Bibles that I have been known to forget my age. This started about four years ago. I must look like a complete idiot, having to stop and figure out the difference between the current year and 1966. And NEVER in a million years, would I add a half to it. If I am 42 and 364 days, I'm still 42. Dammit.

3. Cupcakes. Have you ever really watched kids eating cupcakes? It usually starts with giddy excitement. Then they gingerly unwrap the cakes from their protective sleeves** and eyeball them. The thoughts running through their heads have nothing to do with calorie content or the neatest way to eat, they revolve around how to attack these wonderful things sitting before them.

My favorite kids in the world eat the cupcake north to south--attempting to get the entire, sugary-frosted top of the yumminess into their mouth in one bite. And then, they quit***.

Come to think of it, this is one delicacy for which my love hasn't diminished over the years. I dearly love a good cupcake. Apparently, I'm not the only one. My favorite restaurant**** puts them on the dessert menu on occasion. At $6.50 a pop, you know they've got to be de-lish.

So, next time you see a kid, ask them how old they are, give them a cupcake, and find their parents for the resultant trip to the bathroom.

And, tell them you are ___ 1/2, that, "YES! I'd love to join you in eating cupcakes, frosting first", and then retire to your own porcelain throne.

Just don't call me. I don't wipe adult rears.


*Get it?

**Similar to how a parent delicately removes the blanket from a newborn when they smell something afoul. Except without all the odor.

***This is the one time parents don't give the "There are starving kids in Cambodia lecture." Why? Because we parents are SMART! We know their leftovers are our treat.

****Props to York Street. Best menus ever.