Goobertown needs you.....

This coming week I'll be staying in a town so poorly named that I had to wonder "What's up with that?"

I'm going to Effingham. As in "Do you have any effing idea how wierd the name of your city is?"

I'm sure the founding fathers must have hit Illinois, with Winter blowing in, and said something like "We're in the middle of effing nowhere and it is mighty cold. Time to hitch our horses up to this here tree and call it a town."

Their distant relatives went a little further, into California, and established Dunmovin. Guess they got tired of being on the road.

Speaking of tired, how about No Name. I think these people were ultra-lazy. I figure their kids have names like "one", "two", and "three". Guess that's convenient, but it creates a REAL problem in the local elemenary school come role call.

But No Name beats the pants off Roachtown. Really? People live there? And thought this would appeal to tourists or future residents? I just imagine that the people of Hygiene look down their noses when you proudly announce you are from the great Roachtown High. Go fighting Cocks*!

If you are single, you should live between Ubet Imalone, at least until you get married, when you need to move your Big Ugly Smiley HooHoo to the Comfort of Happy.

If you are a Hooker, there are lots of places to land in this country. Lovely Ladies can enjoy Intercourse and Climax in several states. If it won't Embarrass them to Spread Eagle, they can also Bumpass Due West of Satans Kingdom.

Foodies of the world can unite in Greasy Corner to enjoy Burnt Corn, Chicken, Avocado, Honeydew, Rice, Mayo, Buttermilk, Hot Coffee, Bacon, Oatmeal, and/or Fries. If those culinary delights sound Boring, tickle your palate with a Weiner, Strawberry, Orange, Peanut, or a Clam. Just be sure to bring your Three Forks and Tin Cup or you might be Cut-Off.

Nowthen, I could go Onward, but that's Enough Useful information for your Flippin Life and mine.

Besides, I have to answer this burning question: Do the people of Wanderoos wear Underoos?

HMMMMM.


*What am I, 16? That should have ceased being funny 27 years ago but, somehow, I'm still giggling.....