During cousin's camp I had the brilliant idea of driving from Dallas to Glen Rose (about 1.5 hours under normal circumstances, EACH WAY) to drive SOME MORE through Fossil Rim Wildlife Park (another 3.5 hours).
A couple of things I didn't anticipate as problems:
1. Wednesdays are half-price days. How was I to know that every person from South Dakota to Brazil would make their way to Glen Rose to take advantage of the discount? They, obviously, hail from CHEAPVILLE, just like me.
2. August is, historically, hysterically hot in Texas. Having previously been to Fossil Rim in June, when it WAS in the 100's, I figured most people would avoid going to a place where you roll down all your windows, open the sun roof, and generally bake on leather seats for the whole process. Unfortunately, it was a freak, sub-100 day. As a result of this anomaly, there were TONS of heat-intolerent, penny-pinching people there.
So, along with masses of other crazies trying to see everything from roadrunners to rhinos, we entered the park. I knew, having driven this before, that we had a real problem when we rounded the first bend and sat for 30 minutes at a point we should have blazed through in five.
Apparently the people in front of us had never
a. fed an animal in their lives. I'm guessing their parents never anted up the quarter it took at the zoo to buy food for the koi. These people practically emptied the contents of their feed bags on the pretty little animals before them.
b. seen a white-tail deer before. Yes, they were feeding white-tail deer, for cripe's sake*. I could practically hear them reading the animal map saying, "Look, kids, it's 'Odocoileus virginianus'. Have you EVER seen anything so BE-U-TI-FUL in your life?"
By the time we got to the halfway point and stopped for lunch, I was hungry, had to pee, and was HOT. So, naturally, I led the kids STRAIGHT to the restrooms because me and my bladder USED to understand each other but, now, not so much**.
When we got past the zillion people crowding the entrance to the hallway***, I practically started sprinting the short, narrow passage to the restroom. But, not knowing my plans, about 1/3 of the way to the potty place, my nephew stopped to get a drink. One Nowell son queued up directly behind him, old school style. In this position, both boys took up 2/3 of the width of the hall****.
Meanwhile, I was trying to keep my bladder from exploding as I stood halfway in the bathroom door (about four steps up the hallway), monitoring the boys, and trying to keep the other Nowell and niece in tow.
When my nephew stepped back, away from the faucet, he caused Nowell son #1 to step back. Like dominos they were. Then the domino that was a Nowell lost his balance and fell directly onto a woman's exposed toes.
Now, I've seen, scratch that, BEEN, a drama queen before, but this woman put all others before her immediately under her sandal-laden feet. She cried in mock pain, rolled her eyes, and huffed aloud, as if to communicate, "GEEZ, you idiot."
For a split second I got to get all puffy-chested, because my son IMMEDIATELY said "I'm sorry" while looking her in the eye*****. I almost forgot how full my bladder was at that point.
Then the almost unthinkable happened. This woman had the audacity to ignore my son and say nothing to him. She just scowled and started to walk away.
Surprisingly, Fossil Rim doesn't boast any lions. However, on this day, when the rude girl-child/woman decided to act like a two-year-old and treat my son like a non-person, I channeled the latent lioness within me and sprang into action like a hungry cat on a dik-dik******. Frankly, I even surprised myself with the ferocious, lightning quick reaction that ushered forth.
I looked her directly in the eye and said "I think this little boy just apologized to you. The least you could do is respond." Her lame retort? "I'm just trying to get into the bathroom quickly." Scowl.
So, I turned toward the bathroom door, threw it open the rest of the way, and loudly announced to everyone in the three-staller "Look out, there is a lady coming in with a bathroom emergency."
R-O-A-R.
What I didn't say, and wish I had, was "Lady, we're all hot and tired of sitting in our SUVs, trying to get our 15 seconds with the giraffes and emus. Get over yourself and stop taking it out on the children of this world."
She never said another word to me, just went all evil-eyed into her stall. I hope she remembered me the rest of her hot, slow drive and didn't give the stink-eye to anybody else's kid.
As for the rest of us? By the time we ate lunch, brushed the goats, and talked to the macaws, the rest of the world had gotten hot and left the park. Only once, on the rest of our journey, did we get sidelined by a bunch of cars.
And what was so exciting that it stopped traffic? White-tail deer. AGAIN.
ARGH.
*I BEG YOU, before you visit Fossil Rim again, drive an hour outside of DFW in ANY direction and stay until twilight. Get near a bunch of trees. You can even do this by pulling over off a major highway! If you don't get to see your fill of deer, I'll give you a buck. HA HA.
**This is a sad reality after three pregnancies. I'll be in diapers by 65 at this rate.
***Etiquette note: after you pee (and, hopefully, wash your hands), please move to another part of the building. I understand that you like the lemony smell of the cleaning solutions, but you can sit in your OWN bathroom and inhale for hours, if you like. Here, people need to GO. Get out of our way, please.
****Note to designers of this area of the building: architects you ARE NOT. Please plan for a queue of at least five people at the fountain when it takes two hours to get past the dang white-tail deer and to the fountain/pee-pee place. People will be hot, ready to get a LONG drink, and tinkle. Please plan for this next go-round, K?
*****Something I taught STUCK.
******Stop laughing long enough to pay homage to the cutest, tiniest deer on the safari.
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