Funny sayings 101

When you have kids, you hear funny sayings all day long. Problem is, they leave your brain at warp speed. So, I've decided to blog them as a way of "curing" my ever decreasing memory capacity.

Just today we were in the pool*. Correction: little one is in the pool and I am working on the computer beside it. Little one is swimming with "sharks". I kid you not. Throwing stuffed animals at the deep end, claiming they are killing the man-eaters. Poor little stuffed dogs.

Anyhoo, I'm listening to the story he is weaving while talking with a friend who is waiting for a plane to Boston. Intermittent to our telephone conversation are the pleas "Don't put Doug in the pool"** and "NO! Don't throw the chair in there."***
She, of the other end of the telephone, is cracking up and states conversations with me are always punctuated by the funniest statements yelled at my kids.

Yes, this is my life...a series of funny comments screamed to a short crowd of would-be men.

Mid-adult conversation, he, of the wet-set, exits the pool, after just about drowning the dog.

I ask "Did you kill all the sharks?"
His response? "No."
Logically, I retort, "Then get another animal to throw the shark's way and get back in the pool!"
Him: "I can't do that, he'll SHARK me."

Genius, sheer, genius. Anybody who has ever see "Jaws" knows EXACTLY what that was intended to convey***. I'm mentally lining up the SAT score that comes with such brilliance.

Then I check the pool and confirm that there IS a huge Great White in the deep end. In agreement, we grab a towel, and he dries off for the evening. Thus ended swimming for the afternoon.

Score for the day? Pool Sharks: one. Boy and stuffed animals: zero.



*One of my favorite poolside signs ever: "OOL. Notice there is no P in it." A crack-up every time.

**Lucky dog to have me as his protection. Only his back legs got wet. This time.

***It was completely spared.

****In case you were too afraid to watch "Jaws", he meant KILL. Now, get up the nerve and go rent it so you can be deathly afraid of large bodies of water like the rest of us in the Americas.