Harry Potter and the very long movie....

Allow me to play critic for just a wee bit because, dang it, I simply didn't watch enough movies growing up to be able to land this kind of gig.* But, if there is a cush job to be had, it is the life of a movie reviewer.

Sample day:
10am: Wake up after retiring to bed the previous night at 10pm. Throw on hat and drive to theater. Show all important movie critic "badge" and get in free. Cough up enough cha-ching for a bucket of popcorn and schooner of Coke.
11am: Watch movie. Eat every bit of popcorn (w/ added butter flavor) and slurp down Coke. Make obnoxious noises trying to get the last drop of liquid sugar out of cup. Scream "Kiss my grits. I'm a movie critic." when a fellow movie-goer asks you to stop your quest for an empty cup. Other patron apologizes. Smile smugly.
11:15am: Refill popcorn (extra butter, please) and Coke (bonus: tanked on caffeine, never need to pay Starbucks for a cuppa hot java!)
1pm: Finish movie, whip out laptop, write three paragraphs, send to editor, close laptop. Done with work for the day!!! Congratulate self for making it through another demanding assignment.
1:05pm: Stop at loo on way out--make mental note to STOP REFILLING COKE CUPS THAT ARE THE SIZE OF INFANT HEADS. Drive car to spa.
1:15pm-9:15pm: Soak up every bit of spa-licious goodness money can buy. Have dinner brought in (on management, of course, because you are DA MOVIE CRITIC.) Fall asleep like a baby on massage table for three hours due to caffeine crash and dangerously clogged arteries from fake butter on popcorn. Unlike other schmoes, enjoy the nap because you aren't disturbed by anybody. Drive home.
10pm: Hit bed, wondering how you made it through such a bone-crushing day. Snoring by 10:10pm.

Yeah, that's the life. If I could have done this when I was single, life would have been SCH-WEET.

But, back to the issue at hand....Our date tonight, at my suggestion, included a showing of the newest Harry Potter movie**. It clocked in just between "too short to create a credible alibi for any crime"*** and "too long to qualify as a nap". The characters (shock, horror) pretty much looked the same as the last time I was drug to one of these movies, they had just aged.

Two items to note:
1. Somehow every one of the main three teenage characters didn't have a pimple in sight. Frankly, Harry's skin was positively glowing and radiant. I'd swear he was pregnant if I hadn't heard he had a nude scene in some play over the pond and there were witnesses to him being male.
Incidentally, I think zitless teenagers are a bane to society. It just isn't right to pass through the bottomless pit between 13 and 19 without having to squeeze SOMETHING on your face.
I fully expect, no DEMAND, that zits be FEATURED in the next movie. Cripes! If Harry can have that gosh-awful scar on his forehead, one boil-size pustule should be nuttin'.

2. Helena Bonham-Carter is perfectly matched with Tim Burton. Freak show on heels. I'm betting she dresses like that for REAL. And Tim LIKES IT. EWWWWW.

The plot was pretty much the same as last time. Still trying to find Valdemort****.

Language was all in funky British accents. If they cussed, it went straight over my dumb American head.

As you would guess with teenage characters in the plot, there was a little bit of sexually angst. Make that ALOT, at least for one girl, who was so after Ron that I wanted to yell "Are you blind? Daft? What? Please, open your eyes and look at him. Then conversate. You'll change your mind, pronto." Total buzz kill, that boy. Harry and Ron's sis flirt, but I'm not going further*****. Hermoine finally gets her guy (semi-plot spoiler, if, like me, you've never read the books: she and the crazy girl both need glasses), though I was really hoping she'd go after the cute boy so we could see more of him.

Magical elements strangely missing from this movie, save some anorexic bottom dwellers who try to kill Harry. In one scene, I kept waiting for the pictures on the wall to move (ok, that was worth the price of admission the first time I saw it!) and they never did. Later, I understood why and went "DUH".

So, all-in-all, good movie, not great movie. Follows book according to hubster but not enough book details per babysitter.

Oh, and I have popcorn grease stains on my shirt and four new cavities from the LARGE Coke. I HATE that.



*Unless, of course, you consider my crush on ANYTHING John Hughes made back in the 80's. I could critique those movies TO DEATH. Still in love with Ducky and Andrew McCarthy--love you, Mike :)

**Which I felt obligated to view because one of our kids is a huge fan and has been counting down the days until the movie came out and I've become the "uncool" parent I said I'd never be and I preview everything that doesn't seem pure as driven snow. He is so seriously caught up in the release date that, when he realized my birthday was in proximity of the opening, he said "Hey, Mom. Did you know your birthday is four days AFTER the opening of Harry Potter?". To which I wanted to respond "Hey, pal. Did you realize I was born 42 years and 361 days BEFORE this movie was ever played in a theater?" Being the good Mom I am, I held my tongue. Literally.

***Though I did do the shifty thing multiple times--you know, where you change from legs dangling off the seat to one foot under your posterior to criss-cross-applesauce. Incidentally, why do adults think we can still sit Indian style? Our boo-tah muscles outgrew that several decades ago.

****Yes, I wrote it. Does that SCARE you? Valdemort, Valdemort, Valdemort. Still here.

*****But, did THEY? Inquiring minds have to pony up $9.50 plus concessions to answer THAT question.