Bullying Revisited

A while back I wrote the following post about bullying.

And, while I know that this post was accurate in so many ways, it didn't address those in our society who DON'T act like victims, but instead seem to walk with their heads high and let the words roll off their back.

I can tell you that those words don't fall off without leaving scars.
I can tell you that the weight of those words causes their head to hang a little lower than it did previously.
I can tell you that having this happen time and time again does damage.

I'm walking along side someone right now who is feeling the effects of a nickname.  And while this moniker was given at a time that this person probably did seem to embody it, he is not at all that person today.  And this name being slung at him by those who are peers, are supposed to be Christian, and who are with him five days a week, is taking its toll.

I have a hard time giving counsel in this area, so I wrote a short novel to a close friend who has a similar situation in her life.  It seems that both of the people we want to help respond the same way to the attacks:  they simply laugh or smile and try to move past the comment.  They, being young, don't know HOW to approach repaying an insult with kindness, as 1 Peter 3:9 commands.  Instead, they repay with indifference or subtle acceptance and bury the comments deep inside.  This only reinforces the bad behavior by those who are acting like bullies.

My close friend had pearls of wisdom in this area:  we need to admit that we don't always have the answers.  We can pray and talk about situations but sometimes we need to bring in experts;  good, loving Christian counslors who have seen this all before and have credibility that parents of teenagers often don't.

My friend and I agreed that knowing HOW to defend yourself in situations that are uncomfortable is half the battle;  tweens and teenagers don't have the life experience to know how to respond when the world rears its ugly head and attacks.  We have to TEACH them this skill or let someone we trust, who has the experience, help us help them.  If we don't do this, they may never learn when it is right to stand up for themselves.

Imagine my surprise when I read this today.  In my eyes, Ms. Baur is living 1 Peter 3:9 in the public eye.  She is affecting change in this world by educating the ignorant.  She is standing up for herself in exactly the way I hope the person I am trying to help will learn to respond.

Last night I prayed aloud over this person.  I prayed that one special friend would enter his life.  I prayed that he would persevere through the trials.  I prayed for the people who were using the nickname, that whatever hurt inside of them, that which caused them to feel it appropriate to hurt others, would be healed. 

On this new day, I pray for the best route to take in this situation, to support him and love him, no matter the outcome of his interactions with those around him.  I pray that I will say the right things to the right people, whose ears will be open to listening and whose heart will respond appropriately.  Mostly, I pray that this whole experience brings every one involved closer to Christ.

I am encouraged that this will all work out for Christ's greater good, as I read "...we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope."  (Romans 5:3-4)  And I am filled with hope because I am relying on my steady rock, my Lord, my Savior, to guide us through this rocky trial.

Thanks be to the God who can redeem any situation for His glory!

A Pre-Election Letter

An Open Letter during this election season:

I do not hate you if your views are different than mine.
I do not think you are stupid if you believe differently.
I do not think you are less of a Christian if we differ in our thought processes.

I am trying to understand where you are coming from when I present you with the truth as I see it.  Your kind, thoughtful responses help me get there.
I am trying to hold my tongue when I know that headlines are misleading and people aren't perfect and campaigns don't always tell the truth.
I am working to put every issue under the microscope of the truth of the Bible because politics will fade, but God won't.

So, when I tell you that I believe in life, please don't take that to mean I hate women.  My statement has nothing to do with women's "rights";  it has to do with unborn babies.  And, more personally, the fact that I am here to write this because a woman unselfishly chose not to abort me and to give me to parents who could take care of me.

When I tell you that I believe that we should only render unto Caesar that which is his, don't call me greedy.  My statement doesn't mean I don't give generously to causes that are worthy or that I don't care about the little guy.  It simply has to do with choosing a path that allows my family to decide how to help those in need, which I believe is a God-given duty, instead of leaving that very important work to a nameless, faceless bureaucracy who might make choices that run contrary to my family's belief system.

When I tell you that I believe that marriage was created to be between a man and a woman, don't call me a homophobe.  I have read and re-read the Bible on this issue and believe that changing the term "marriage" contradicts the truth of the Bible.  My stance doesn't change the fact that I am called to love every human being.

When I tell you that I believe in the separation of church and government, don't tell me that means God's name doesn't have a place in our government.  I've read the documents and the history that this nation was founded on and I understand that there is a fine line.  But obliterating God's name flies in the face of what our founders intended.   And any nation that completely turns its back on God is asking for trouble.

When I tell you that I believe in an individuals right to take care of their own family's health care, don't tell me that I hate the middle class.  I see an economic disaster in the making, an unsustainable program that, in concert with all the entitlement programs we already fund (40%+ of our budget), could bankrupt our government.  As the debt of a government rises and expenses mount, all people suffer.   

When I tell you that spending more money on education is not the answer, don't tell me that I am an elitist, private school snob.  We pay taxes to our local schools, even though we do not use them.  And, as a taxpayer, I am entitled and obligated to determine if our collective taxes are being well spent.  This issue goes well beyond the classroom, with tentacles into broken homes and broken communities.  Throwing more money into education will never solve those problems.

When I tell you that I don't believe the government should be funding college loans, don't tell me I don't care about education, want to keep future generations ignorant, and don't have sympathy for those less fortunate.  I strongly believe in an affordable, college education.  For some, that will start with a part-time job and nights at the local community college.  For others, it will start in the Ivy Leagues.  That inequity is a constant in life.  But our government should not be in the business of putting young people in debt.

When I tell you that I believe immigration laws should be enforced and greater security should be at our borders, don't tell me I'm racist or bigoted or hate people from other countries.  To the contrary, I love the fact that we are a melting pot.  But, when we put laws on the books, they should be enforced, not ignored. If we treated those who ignore IRS laws the way we treat people who are on our soil illegally, the government would freeze solid for lack of money. 

These are my views.  I welcome yours, as long as they don't come in the form of vitriol, hatred, or venom.

And, come November, regardless of who wins, may our country right itself before God and realize her true potential again.

Most sincerely,
MommaJ

Going a little senile

I have to admit this little quirk to kick today's post off:  I have been interchanging the word "stove" for "oven" for the past five years or so.  I noticed it almost immediately because it didn't make much sense that the scrambled eggs would be in the oven cooking.*  Or that the cake would be baking on the stove.

That one little slip-up, by someone who loves to be in the kitchen, gave me reason to pause and think about my memory. Given that my step-Mom's**, Patty, sister has dealt with Alzheimers and a neighbor of ours, sweet Mrs. Johnson, was taken by dementia, I am close to too many people who have dealt with this reality and didn't win.

Today, for the first time, I really though about what I am writing and why it is so important.  I truly cherished these posts.  I realized I could be counted among the unfortunate who struggle with memory issues in their older age;  in that case, this blog will act as a time machine not only for me, but for my children, husband and grandchildren.

That also gave me renewed interest and desire to get working on the book.  I have been lax disobedient in my writing for a bit now.  I busy myself with other activities, things that are less important, and the days just slip into oblivion.  Books don't get written like that.  And memories that were once red-hot on my brain are starting to get lukewarm.

But, once again, a blog will save me.  The very blog that I kept the entire time Mom was sick.  From the day I knew to the days after she died, I have a record of all that went through my head, the people who were there to help, and the prayers that were answered and left unanswered.  It is difficult, at best, to read, but it is the basis for what needs to be written and the reason I need to get off my arse and just get busy.

But now, I have some work to do in the kitchen.  So, I'm off to preheat the stove and get the burners in the oven started.

WINK.


*UNTIL I found a rockin' recipe for oven cooked eggs that are the fluffiest things ever.  Of course, the kids HATE them, so I'll save that recipe for when we are empty-nesters.

**I still don't quite know what I should rightly call her because "my Dad's wife" sounds awfully cold but she isn't trying to step into Mom's shoes.  BUT, she's a very kind soul, so I am going to claim her as my step-Mom until she tells me otherwise.